we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
