I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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