Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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