I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
