I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
