Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
