Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
