I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
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Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
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