There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
