dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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