Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
