I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Liz is crying about burritos again.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
