her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
