I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
We got so high we made milksteak
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food