Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
23 People Confess The Lamest Things They’ve Ever Done To Fit In
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
These 27 Texts Prove Pets Make Better BFFs Than Humans
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??