i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
