My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
