New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Terrible idea I love it
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
