sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
