How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
She swung at the pinata with crutches
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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