yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
You don't make any sense
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