I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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