what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Randomize
