If i come over, it means nothing
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
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