i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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