We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
