my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
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I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
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We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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