I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I want to be your penis for a week.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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