Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
