can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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