I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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