eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
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