if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
