I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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