Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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