I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
