I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
