i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Randomize
