oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I'm just crazy horny about you
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
