Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
