Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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