When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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