Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
