So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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