They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
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just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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