having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
