oh god the rape fog is back!
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
