just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
