My liver just broke up with me...
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
