We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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