..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize
