And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
