At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
We have started to decorate penises.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
