non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
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