i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
MIDGETS
????
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Randomize
