Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
