I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
