im about as happy as oj after his trial
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
whose parrot is this?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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