Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
