I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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