You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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