i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Randomize
