I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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