At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
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