so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
