We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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