i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
