Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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