I wish you could order shots online.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
