Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
