smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
